Another year wraps up ...

It's hard to believe that 2015 has almost come to a close (and that I haven't written on her in a very long time)!  It's been quite a year ... In fact, these last few years have been something else :-)
I've been reflecting on this past year ... At the beginning of the year I chose some words that represented themes of what I wanted to focus on in the coming year.  And then I forgot about them.  And then I remembered again.  And then I forgot about them, etc.  LOL  And yet, they were arease that I focused on.  I chose to try this, rather than setting any new year resolutions.  I really hate the word resolution - it's too boxy and confining to me.  Is anyone ever successful with their new years resolutions?!? 
My words for 2015 were:

• trust
• love
• communicate
• dream
• family
• balance
• discover

But despite the fact that I forgot about and then remembered, I would say that I was successful in focusing on these this past year!  I liked this, I will do it again ...
I learned a lot about myself in the past year - And I feel like I made the biggest strides when it comes to trust.  Trust is a scary thing and I learned some bad lessons at a young age around not trusting or not being able to trust.  I have come a long way from my childhood and yet I still uncover things I didn't know were still lingering, this was a big one!  Learning to trust hasn't been easy, it has been downright uncomfortable at times, but I have learned in this past year that at times when my partner and I don't see eye-to-eye or argue or are annoyed with one another (we're not perfect and we're figuring out how to communicate), that this doesn't mean we stop loving each other or being committed to being in a relationship with each other.  It may sound like common sense, but it was something I have had to learn in order to stop walking on self-created egg shells and stop my fear of getting hurt and trusting.
I heard something this year that really resonated with me:

"Love is a choice, not a feeling or an emotion.  It is a decision you make every day of your life."

I didn't write down who said/wrote it, but it's something I have recalled throughout the year and I have consciously chosen love on many occasions - love for both myself and for others.  And it isn't always easy to do this!  Whether its fear, or hurt, or pride, many things can get in the way of love and recognizing this has made it easier to make this choice!  And something else that really stuck out to me this year were these words, that go along with choosing to love:

"You do not commit to someone because things are perfect, you commit to them in spite of the fact that they're not.  Commitment is  not just an arbitrary word to be found in the dictionary.  It is no just a statement of temporary monogamy.  It is a pledge, a vow, a way of living that embodies honour and integrity.  Commitment is not a rule, or a regulation - it is an action.  Commitment is not an act of losing your freedom; but exercising it to choose who you want to give your most valuable gifts - your time, your emotions, and your heart."

Some of my chosen themes are still works in progress - especially balance.  I'm still struggling to find the right balance between work, being a mom, being a partner, family and friends, and time for myself.  Life seems to be speeding by at a rather alarming rate (something I'm sure all parents, step-parents, grandparents and pretty much everyone else thinks as well) and often important things get put aside "for now" and then get lost in the mix.  I'm learning to take a few minutes each day for me, I'm learning ... It's a work in progress!
For the life of me I cannot remember why I chose the word "discover" and yet I have discovered much over the past year - I have discovered areas of myself that needed some love and attention, that I still have walls built up that I didn't realize were there.  I have discovered the joys, frustrations, and many other emotions of being a mom.  I have discovered some dreams I didn't even know I would want.  I have discovered me within my very much upside-downed world :-)  So although I cannot remember the original intent, I would say that 2015 has been a year of much discovery!
As this year is winding down, I am reflecting on my 2015 and looking ahead to my 2016 - to areas and themes which I want to focus on and continue working on in my life.  What will you be focusing on?